Home Maid Simple: Till Death Do We Part? {Think About It}

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Till Death Do We Part? {Think About It}


It's a phrase we've all heard.

Till Death Do We Part

The question I pose today, though, is how often do we truly commit to that promise? In these days, how many couples stay married until death parts them?  

It seems to me, that more and more, the words should be rephrased "Till I'm sick of picking up your socks" or "Till I'm bored, and want a change of life."

Think about it.

How many people do you know have been through a divorce, have divorced parents, perhaps you're divorce yourself?

When the Exception becomes the Norm

"Mawage. Mawage is what bwings us togeffer today" ~Princess Bride

I'm sure you've all seen it, but let me recap. Buttercup has been forced to marry the Prince. She doesn't love him though, she loves Wesley, but believes he is dead.  After the ceremony, Buttercup is alone in her chamber and begins to take a knife to her chest. It is better she be dead than married. When suddenly there is Wesley. Buttercup than suffers a conflict - she's married, but her love is actually alive. She could just run off with Wesley, but she doesn't. That is until Wesley shows her she isn't married, because she never said "I Do".

Alright, this might be a confusing, and complicated example, bare with me here. 

Marriage and the act of marrying someone meant a commitment. At least until death. Now I'm not saying opt for suicide over divorce, please don't read into it that much! What I'm saying is Buttercup was married, and she knew the commitment that she made (but didn't really). 

I ask, when did the exceptions for divorce - unfaithfulness, abuse - turn into a normal occurrence? We divorce because "we fell out of love" or "she/he isn't the same person". When did marriage become easy? 

Think about it!

For Time and All Eternity 


In the LDS faith, in our temples, we don't marry until death. Instead the words "For time and all eternity" are used. We truly believe that we will be married beyond death. Connecting our families past, present and future generations. 

Does that mean it's easy? No! I want to be very honest with you here. Mark and I have had our share of struggles. A few years ago, the word Divorce came up. I think the mere mention of that word sent Mark and I into a little shock. It's something neither of us had ever considered, so having it crop up so easily in a time of marital strife, was a shocker. 

We chose to change. He had things to work on, and so did I.  I couldn't hold a grudge and analyze his every action waiting for him to mess up. I had to trust that he would change, and work on my own problems, and hope that he trusted me enough to change as well. 

We love each other, and we love our kids. We weren't going to take our promise to love each other for eternity lightly. We wanted to make our marriage work. For each other, and for our kids. 

Think about it.

How does Marriage effect Home life?

It does, doesn't it? Otherwise, why do we bother with marriage? Why do same sex couples push so hard to have legal marriages? 

There must be something we find important in a legal and binding marriage.  Otherwise, wouldn't we all just live with whoever, whenever, having babies as they come?

Here are my thoughts. Of course, they are faith based as well. I believe marriage is something ordained of God. I believe the family is central to our eternal lives. What is life without love? What would an eternity without our loved ones be like?  

My top priority is to raise my kids in a loving home. If I wasn't married I feel an important aspect of love would be missing for my kids. As we sacrifice for our spouses, our kids see that. They may not understand it as an act of love in their young ages, but one day they will. Did you see how we just bought a dog? I am really not a dog person, or any animal for that matter (though chickens I think would be fun...). I often found many excuses for us to not buy a dog. I always justified them with "one day. I promise". Well that day came. I had to let go of my own reservation and feelings, because deep down, I knew it would make Mark happy (the kids too). And you know what, I wanted Mark to be happy. Turns out we got a pretty good dog, I'm in love with him already.

What does divorce teach our kids? 
What does marriage teach them?

Think about it!

(Feel free to grab this printable! Right click and save)


I'd love to hear your thoughts. Let's have an open discussion below. 

Note: I am not suggesting suicide in place of divorce. I am not suggesting you stay in an abusive marriage. If you are being abused, I urge you to seek help. A marriage takes work from both parties, and there truly is only so much one person can give.


16 comments:

  1. Hey Adelina! Just thought I would chime in. There is a lot of divorce in my family. Not that some of it wasn't justified..but from a young age, I knew I didn't want to have me or my future kids go through that. When I met Alan, we often talked about divorce and how it seems a lot of people we knew were getting divorced. We decided when we got engaged, that we would never get divorced. That we wouldn't even bring it up unless I went crazy, or he turned into an alcoholic and beat me ;) totally kidding. I had a good friend that would always threaten divorce when her and her husband got into a fight. That bothered me. So to this day, we have never uttered the word. Believe me, it has been hard over the last 11 years and I thought about it a time or two, but never uttered a word about it. I think when 2 people get married, they need to really really realize that marriage isn't easy and that they need to not even think "if it gets hard, I can just get divorced." Even to threaten divorce seems really harsh to me. I know there are circumstances that really do justify divorce, but we haven't had any of those circumstances and probably never will. To this day, when we fight, I try really hard to think of things from his point of view and look at myself always and don't point fingers and blame him. Because truly you can only change yourself, you can't change your spouse. I learned that usually if I work on me, my husband gets better. I really enjoy the years with him and look forward to growing old with him. I could never picture myself with anyone else...

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    1. Thanks so much for chiming in Jenni! I feel the same way. Mark and I also agreed during our engagement that we wouldn't get divorced unless we went all crazy. It has been hard, especially when it has become so normal to just give up and move on. After the one time it came up, it never has again, and I don't think it ever will. It sure doesn't make our marriage any easier though. Every day we have to work on loving each other, and improving ourselves.
      I remember being told once, "Don't marry with the hope you can change them later. It won't work. Love the person you are marrying just the way they are". I think it's so true.

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  2. The big D work came up once with Chris and me. I wrote everything down in a book, taped it closed and decided that forgiveness would take a while but we could do it and we did. Our problem had to do with money and once we got that straightened out things worked much better. We've had a pretty good life together. It will be 41 years next week. I see so many men and women who gave up on their marriages and now in their older age they are all alone, bitter and lonely. Marriage is not easy but it is definitely worth all the effort.

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  3. The first 2 years of any relationships is romance... from that point on you have to work on a relationship. I hear people talk so harshly to their spouse. I get really upset if my husband does that, because I remind him that he is not showing me respect. So important to always remain respectful and appreciative of your spouse. When you take your relationship for granted it falls apart.

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    1. I am so glad you remind your husband! As a young couple I wish I had been more bold at times, to let him know how I felt. I was so used to bottling feelings inside, and just rolling with things, that not saying anything caused some hurt as well. Communication is key!

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  4. Marriage is hard work. Communication is so important to keep a good strong marriage.

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  5. As someone who is divorced, I think it was the best choice for our son and I. I had to put my son first and decide what would be the best way for him to grow up in a happy household. Sometimes divorce is the only option to achieve that.

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    1. Ashley, I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision, nor made lightly. It will obviously be different for everyone. I just worry the repercussions it has on our kids (like Jess below says from experience). It has become too normal to just give up I think.

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  6. Both my and my husband's parents are divorced, so we both grew up in broken homes. For me, it was very hard. I remember being sad and jealous of the other kids who had a 2 parent household, and to this day I still wonder what it would have been like growing up with 2 parents who got along. Now that I have children I hope it never comes to that, and I truly am against divorce unless it must be done because I know how much it hurts to see your parents go through it.

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    1. Jess, thanks so much for the insight! I can spout all I want that it can/will effect the kids, but since I haven't experienced it myself, it's nice to hear from someone who has. Though I'm sure you wish you hadn't experienced that with your parents. It sounds like it has made you stronger in your own marriage though to fight through the rough patches.
      Thanks for stopping by

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  7. I think society has become weak in terms of commitment especially when it comes to marriage. My husband and I are in it for the long haul, even when the days aren't pretty. I need to go back and read our vows, I think we left out "death" and did something else. Thank you for the reminder that we are in it for ever not just until death.

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    1. I'd love to know what you said in your vows :) In the LDS temples our ceremonies are all the same wording - we don't actually exchange vows per se.
      I think you are absolutely right that society has become weak in commitments, not just marriage either. We've become a bit of a lazy society.

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  8. Such a great post! My hubby and I had a year where we had some problems but we worked together and through things. Our marriage is stronger and better because we got through the tough times together.

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  9. Awesome post!! I joked with Michael before we got married and said he would have to commit suicide in order to get out of our marriage because I REFUSED to get a divorce! I think society is filled with a bunch of lazy people who are charmed into thinking marriage is what they want. Then they realize how much work it is and want to dropout. It drives me up the wall!

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  10. I am happily married 13yrs. But I am also divorced. I will remain married to my husband, I believe in the commitment of marriage, I do, but sometimes, we make mistakes. I made a mistake in my first marriage and I am grateful that society and the laws supported me enough to be able to admit my mistake and get a divorce. Every experience we have leads us, and I am grateful for the first failed marriage. It has shown me how not to fight, it has shown me what I truly value in people, and most of all, it has shown me that i am strong and courageous enough to admit my mistakes and make them right. I truly believe that no one should stay in a marriage that does not fulfill them. Ever. We have one chance here to live our best life and I hope no one will waste it on a partner that does not compliment them and allow them to soar. Peace - out!

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Thanks for taking the time to comment! I love hearing from my readers <3

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