It's a phrase we've all heard.
Till Death Do We Part
The question I pose today, though, is how often do we truly commit to that promise? In these days, how many couples stay married until death parts them?
It seems to me, that more and more, the words should be rephrased "Till I'm sick of picking up your socks" or "Till I'm bored, and want a change of life."
Think about it.
How many people do you know have been through a divorce, have divorced parents, perhaps you're divorce yourself?
When the Exception becomes the Norm
"Mawage. Mawage is what bwings us togeffer today" ~Princess Bride
I'm sure you've all seen it, but let me recap. Buttercup has been forced to marry the Prince. She doesn't love him though, she loves Wesley, but believes he is dead. After the ceremony, Buttercup is alone in her chamber and begins to take a knife to her chest. It is better she be dead than married. When suddenly there is Wesley. Buttercup than suffers a conflict - she's married, but her love is actually alive. She could just run off with Wesley, but she doesn't. That is until Wesley shows her she isn't married, because she never said "I Do".
Alright, this might be a confusing, and complicated example, bare with me here.
Marriage and the act of marrying someone meant a commitment. At least until death. Now I'm not saying opt for suicide over divorce, please don't read into it that much! What I'm saying is Buttercup was married, and she knew the commitment that she made (but didn't really).
I ask, when did the exceptions for divorce - unfaithfulness, abuse - turn into a normal occurrence? We divorce because "we fell out of love" or "she/he isn't the same person". When did marriage become easy?
Think about it!
For Time and All Eternity
In the LDS faith, in our temples, we don't marry until death. Instead the words "For time and all eternity" are used. We truly believe that we will be married beyond death. Connecting our families past, present and future generations.
Does that mean it's easy? No! I want to be very honest with you here. Mark and I have had our share of struggles. A few years ago, the word Divorce came up. I think the mere mention of that word sent Mark and I into a little shock. It's something neither of us had ever considered, so having it crop up so easily in a time of marital strife, was a shocker.
We chose to change. He had things to work on, and so did I. I couldn't hold a grudge and analyze his every action waiting for him to mess up. I had to trust that he would change, and work on my own problems, and hope that he trusted me enough to change as well.
We love each other, and we love our kids. We weren't going to take our promise to love each other for eternity lightly. We wanted to make our marriage work. For each other, and for our kids.
Think about it.
How does Marriage effect Home life?
It does, doesn't it? Otherwise, why do we bother with marriage? Why do same sex couples push so hard to have legal marriages?
There must be something we find important in a legal and binding marriage. Otherwise, wouldn't we all just live with whoever, whenever, having babies as they come?
Here are my thoughts. Of course, they are faith based as well. I believe marriage is something ordained of God. I believe the family is central to our eternal lives. What is life without love? What would an eternity without our loved ones be like?
My top priority is to raise my kids in a loving home. If I wasn't married I feel an important aspect of love would be missing for my kids. As we sacrifice for our spouses, our kids see that. They may not understand it as an act of love in their young ages, but one day they will. Did you see how we just bought a dog? I am really not a dog person, or any animal for that matter (though chickens I think would be fun...). I often found many excuses for us to not buy a dog. I always justified them with "one day. I promise". Well that day came. I had to let go of my own reservation and feelings, because deep down, I knew it would make Mark happy (the kids too). And you know what, I wanted Mark to be happy. Turns out we got a pretty good dog, I'm in love with him already.
What does divorce teach our kids?
What does marriage teach them?
Think about it!
I'd love to hear your thoughts. Let's have an open discussion below.
Note: I am not suggesting suicide in place of divorce. I am not suggesting you stay in an abusive marriage. If you are being abused, I urge you to seek help. A marriage takes work from both parties, and there truly is only so much one person can give.