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Last year I chose to start my year off with a word instead of a resolution. I chose Joy, and created a display to remind us. This year, I feel my eyes have been opened again, this time more internally. For 2015 the word I have chosen is Marriage.
As 2014 was wrapping up, and I was looking ahead to new year, I began reflecting on myself. How can I personally be better – you know the normal things people look at when making resolutions. I don’t remember what it was exactly but one day I felt my eyes were opened. I was looking at my marriage very superficially. I was standing on the outside looking in, and I was being very judgmental, mostly of my husband.
I felt my pride crushed, and humility truly start to take form. From an outside, glazed over perspective, it was easy to say all our troubles were not my fault. A closer examination, and something I’m willing to bet would be similar to all marriages is that it takes two. Yes your spouse may be making choices that hurt your or the family, but perhaps you’ve made some as well. Chances are good you have, they just may not be as apparent.
Looking back, I could have been happier, I could have found more joy
, if I had had a different attitude. Rather than the disappointing glances, the sighs and anger – I should have spent my energy on comfort, love, and most of all grace. What I’m coming to realize is that over a couple years of struggles I sank to a low without even realizing it.
2015 is the year my marriage takes precedence. I am promising myself, my husband, and letting you in on it too with a couple of ideas to get us started.
More Grace. Wiki defines grace as “Generous, free and totally unexpected”. Our spouses should actually expect our grace, and we should freely give it more often. We need to give our spouses more grace. To love them despite their human tendencies, because self check – you’re human too! In the face of any trials that come your way in 2015, and I know they’ll come, commit to giving more grace.
More Patience. When two people decide to join their life into one, it’s hard to remember that you are still separate beings with likes and dislikes. When a disagreement happens, it’s easy to get frustrated, to feel you’re right, and be angry that this supposed other half seems almost alien in their opinion. Try to understand them, and really listen. This year commit to giving more patience in the face of disagreement, and remember that though you’re entitled to an opinion, so are they.
More Support. How can anyone feel good about doing anything, if they don’t have your support? When an idea is given, do you turn it down, do you really listen to it and consider it? Are you afraid of the same outcomes from a past failed idea? This year commit to giving your spouse more support. Listen. Support in their ideas, their pursuits, and most importantly their feelings. Support your spouse through the trials, as well as the successes. With a strong support system, the impossible can be accomplished.
More Us. It’s so easy to let the kids take over your life; the kids, a busy schedule, or maybe a messy house. These are just excuses, don’t let them get in your way. Mix things up and be spontaneous, spice up your life! Text your spouse mid day and challenge them to a board game or card game after the kids have gone to bed. Make a special dinner and dessert just for the two of you. Put your electronic gadgets away the second they come home, so you can spend more time together. Make them your focus, tie the activity to just the two of you, and keep it stress free. You want them to be with you so make it easy. This year, commit to more time together.
This year I commit to us – to my Marriage!