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What Color is Monday? by Carrie Cariello

*I received a copy of What Color is Monday? for review purposes. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

What Color is Monday?

by Carrie Cariello

About the Book: What Color is Monday? is Carrie’s personal experience as a mother raising an autistic child. In her book, she shares with us the ups, the downs, the worries, and the tear producing joys of seeing a child succeed. What Color is Monday? will inspire every mother to see their child, not as a diagnosis, but another person just like us.

About the Author: This seems a bit redundant since the book is about the author, but I like to add these tidbits in. Carrie is the mother of 5 children very close in age. Their family lives in New Hampshire (I claim this as my home-state as well!). Her husband works in the dental field while Carrie stays home taking care of the family. She enjoys Bikram yoga (I’m very curious about this sweat to death yoga practice now), writing, and spending time with her precious family.

My thoughts: I think this is a must read for every parent. It doesn’t matter if you have a child on the spectrum, Carrie’s words will inspire you to be a better parent, and see past any flaws – because we all have them – to the child and person we all are.

After reading What Color is Monday? I made a resolve to stop yelling as often. I’ve never liked yelling, but my “red zone” seemed to get lower and lower every day. With Carrie’s words behind me, I’ve been doing pretty good, and I see the difference it makes. My kids are your pretty average kids – messy, loud, and completely lovable – but even so, I was able to put into practice similar techniques Carried used for Jack into my own parenting. I will be forever grateful that I picked up this book.

One specific piece of wisdom I will hold onto is something that had often weighed on my mind, about my own second child. The idea that she might fall on the spectrum had often been discussed between Mark and I. But I just didn’t feel like she was completely, or that we should put that label on her. Then Carrie nailed it on the head – WE ARE ALL SOME SORT OF CRAZY! You know we are. Everyone has their problems, their difficulties. What makes someone on the spectrum is the combination of many problems. So I will continue to love and teach my brilliant daughter, while often reminding her that she can’t climb on strangers laps and pointing to the man with the big white beard and yelling Santa Claus is not very appropriate. It’s who she is, and I love her little self just brimming with love for everyone around her.

Author Interview

I had a wonderful opportunity to ask Carrie some questions. I know she’s probably very busy with her kids, and writing, that I didn’t want to take up too much of her time, so I kept it to three questions I felt we could all benefit from:

What one piece of advice would you give a couple facing an autism diagnosis? If you could only tell them one thing, what would it be?

I would tell parents facing a diagnosis to try the best they can, not to panic. Believe me, I know exactly how hard that is – Jack is nearly nine and I still panic at times – but do your best to enjoy the moment and understand that though the road ahead is bumpy, there are many beautiful moments as well.

Also, the best advice I ever received was this: try to remember that behind every child’s behavior – every tantrum, every whine, every act of defiance – there is purpose. Your little one is trying to tell you something, and it’s important to try and listen and figure out what the meaning is.

I guess that’s two things.

What advice would you give to parents, in general, raising a herd of kids close in age?

Love the word herd! I think we’ve had the most success treating our five kids as a group when it comes to things like bath time, meals, and activities. We try to have them do as much together as possible.

Also, make sure to take time for yourself, whether it’s a “date night” with your partner or spouse, a yoga class, or an hour with a cup of coffee in the bookstore. Time to regroup and rejuvenate is essential, and your entire family will benefit.

What are your hope and dreams for the future?

For myself, I would love to continue writing. I would also love to do a strict pull-up unassisted.

For my children, I hope they continue to blossom and grow as individuals, but also always remain as close-knit a group as they are right now. I hope they won’t need too much therapy in the future.

And for Jack, I hope he lives the life he hopes for – one full of family and license plates and music. I hope he is happy and that his days are always full of color.

You can read more reviews on Goodreads

Check out my Bookshelf for more reading suggestions

April 16, 2013
Making Time for Yourself {Think About it}

Earlier this week I was so excited to show off the dress I made for my little niece. I haven’t taken the time to sew for a long time, and it was so fun and relaxing to do something I loved again. We had a great discussion on Facebook about hobbies that moms give up when they begin having kids, and how hard it is to get back into them.

Today I want to continue that discussion a bit more in depth. I want to know – before you had kids,

What did you enjoy doing?

What were your hobbies?

How did you relax and de-stress?

Did you stop doing those things when kids came?

Have you picked any back up?

While you are all thinking about the answers to those let’s Think About It!

Why do we have hobbies? A hobby is something we do for enjoyment, not because we have to. Something that if given a little free time, we could be found engaged in our hobby. I personally have many hobbies. The longest standing hobby for me, though, is reading. As a child my mom read me The Little House on The Prairie Series, while my dad read us the Prydain Chronicles. When I began reading chapter books on my own I started with the Chronicles of Narnia. There is only one time I remember not having the time for this hobby – after I had kids.

With our first, I could be found nursing with a book in hand. But as she grew, and I got busy with work, and the becoming pregnant with a 2nd 9months later, I even lost the time to read. It wasn’t until my mother in law bought me the Twilight series (yes I read them and enjoyed them), that I even noticed I hadn’t picked up a book for almost a year and actually finished it.

Where did my time go? Of course most of it went to raising two very small children, and then some went into being wife, followed by all of the duties of a homemaker (cleaning, making meals, budgeting, and staying organized).

It was about this time that Facebook really became popular, and I also joined a site just for moms – Cafemom. I traded most of my hobbies for making connections with real people through the internet.

Think About It!

At the time, this was important to me. I had no job, I didn’t go to school, I was just home 24/7 with 2 babies who couldn’t say much more than momma, dadda, and no. I craved some human interaction. Let’s face it, we all need each other to survive. I personally believe we all need some kind of human contact to stay sane, and not lose our minds. It just makes us happy knowing others know we exist.

It was worth it at the time, but I find I have wasted away many hours now on facebook, not really interacting with others, as I read through meme after meme, funny photo after funny photo. So although I originally traded my hobbies for this human interaction, I do not need it as much anymore. I get out, I have friends, I actually see the people I talk to. It is time to trade the mindless time I spend on the internet for more meaningful time for me – enjoying my hobbies again.

Think About It!

What do you find wasting away your time? Maybe you sleep excessively (although I know no mom who gets too much sleep), or perhaps you spend all your free time watching all those shows you’ve dvr’ed, or perhaps you’re like me and spend too much time “catching up with the internet”.

Take back your time! If you were to cut out 30 minutes a day just for you, how would you choose to spend it? What would it do for your personal self? How would that effect your family? Now what if you can carve out 1-2 hours per week just for you. What would that do?

I know for me – just when I get to take longer then 10 minutes in a shower, with no interruptions, I feel so much better physically, and my happiness level rises. As a mom I don’t get a lot of time to myself, and I allow myself to feel guilty if I take any time. Morning, noon and night, I’m on call to my kids. I love them. I want to be there for them if they need anything. Sometimes the stress of it all makes it so I can adequately, or appropriately respond to their needs.

I need to be emotionally and physically there for my kids. To do that though, I need to care for myself as well. I love Craftsy for this reason too! I started taking a Gardening Class to get me ready to plant my garden – a new hobby for me, that will also benefit my family. Eventually, I want to take some of the other classes they offer as well like –
Clean and Simple Cake Design
Dressmaking Basics
or Hand Quilting

Think About It!

Even my kids understand the need for time to themselves. There are sometimes that we can’t share, because we just need to play by ourselves, without brother taking it away, or sister screaming because she wanted that princess. When they’ve had time to themselves, they almost always play better together.

Won’t this hold true for us as well? If we take care of us, won’t we be a better parent? I hope you notice my use of parent instead of mom this time. I feel it’s important we allow our spouses, the father of our children the time to find their hobbies again as well. Maybe he enjoys a game of golf, or hunting, or jamming out some tunes.

Mark enjoys getting together with other local music teachers to just play music in a non-teaching environment. I love that he does this. I encourage him to do this. Yes, it means one night a week I have to put 4 kids to bed all by myself. It also means that he gets time to relax and throw off the stress from working and providing for his family 24/7.

Think About It!

Your spouse is a person too. I know I’ve mentioned on here the stereotypes of a Stay at Home Mom. We really do quite a bit despite the little appreciation we are often given. But what about working Dads? Do we truly show them the appreciation they deserve?

But Adelina, you say, They get to be out of the house, and in contact with people, and they don’t have to deal with the screaming toddler, hormonal teenager, non-sleeping baby all the time.

You’re absolutely right they don’t. They often have to deal with hormonal teenagers at school, rude customers, a hard boss. Then they come home and they help out with the kids, or make us dinner, and sometimes they even help with the child who won’t sleep. When do they get to be them? Do something just for them? Mark is lucky, and is in a job he truly loves. That doesn’t mean it’s easy though. He still has stress, and has to work hard to make lesson plans, and work with each student to reach their best potential.

So I will continue to encourage him to jam out with his friends once a week. Even if I’m under the weather (which I was this week), I will still allow him to go out and take that time for him (but he didn’t this week, the sweetheart). Why? Because he needs that time to be himself, and do what he loves for him, just as much as I need to make time and do what I love for me. We work better as a parent team, and can show our kids more love and compassion as we take the time for us.

Has this inspired you to start up a hobby again?

I would love to hear what you’re thoughts are.

*This post contains affiliate links. This is not a sponsored post.

March 28, 2013
Respect {Think About It]

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Find out what it means to me

~Respect, Aretha Franklin

Today I want to touch on a very serious subject – Respect. Or, more specifically the lack of respect.

What is happening to our youth? Why is there such a lack of respect? If a teacher tells you to do something, you do it. You don’t mouth off, and try to bring them down. When a parent tells you “no” you don’t beg and whine and complain until they give in.

Unfortunately, this is the kind of behavior that seems to have become prevalent in today’s society. It goes hand in hand with the sense of entitlement that is also running rampant through society. So how can we combat disrespect and entitlement? Like most problems we encounter, the solution can usually be found in the home.

Think About It!

Some of the first words we try to teach our kids – after mama and Dada – are Please and Thank You. Even before they were talking I try to teach the sign for please. When we are polite, we are showing respect. We are telling them we respect them as another human being, whether we like them or not.

So parents – it starts at home. If you don’t teach respect, they won’t learn it anywhere else. How can you teach respect? My absolute favorite way of teaching is by example.
Let’s imagine for a moment….

You’ve gone out to dinner with your family. After ordering drinks for 5, appetizers, and 5 different special orders, you enjoy a moment for your food to come out. But when it does, your steak is overcooked, and the onions were left on your picky childs burger. You get the waiters attention, and chew them out for not listening. You start telling them they must be stupid because everyone knows what a medium rare is, and this is not medium rare. Can’t they get anything right?

OR

You thank them for your meal. You scrape the onions off your childs burger, and set them aside. Your medium well steak really isn’t that horrible – or you could kindly ask for a new steak, using words like Please and Thank You.

Have you ever been in this situation? Maybe you’ve seen someone else act out at a restaurant. Yes, it’s the waiters job to get your order right, but they are human. Let’s start respecting that simple fact. We are all human, and we will all make mistakes. When we respect each other under that simple notion, life would be a lot better.

Let’s go back to my example. What are you teaching your child when you put that waiter down? What are you teaching them, if you just roll with it? Or if you use polite words? I think we all know the answers here.

Think About It!

Awhile ago, I had a good sit down talk with the Princesses. I was noticing a lot of disrespect in our house. It didn’t matter what I would ask them, I was met with fighting, whining, and tears. Excuses were given left and right. My oldest also began talking to me with what I call a rude voice – or very sassy.

One day, I had had enough. I don’t like rudeness, and her tone of voice really set my nerves on fire, to the point I would be rude back. I definitely wasn’t teaching respect in those moments. So we changed. I told my girls that I love them. That I want them to be happy, and I want to be happy. When we work together, when we listen to each other, we can all be happy. I told them if they would listen to me, I would listen to them. Princess V does not like to be called rude. She knows it’s not a good thing to be. So when she is acting rude, I tell her. She gets a little defensive first, but soon will change her attitude and apologize. She then tries talking to me again, with respect.

Think About It!

So onto this other topic I mentioned of entitlement. How many kids do you see running around being given everything they want? They don’t have to work hard for it, let alone work at all. They yell – you owe it to us, it’s rightfully ours.

These thoughts are bred from lack of respect. Believing that you are entitled to anything you haven’t personally worked for, shows lack of respect for our elders, parents, teachers, public service workers, etc.

I think I’ll stop there, before I pound too much of my thoughts out. I’d love to hear how you feel about Respect. Do you think kids are lacking in this area? How do you teach your children about respect?

February 28, 2013
Worrying Never Helps

I had plans for a different post today.

I was going to show you some of the fun decorating we’ve done in our house. Followed by some pictures of the furniture remodeling I have planned for this year.

It was all going to come after I finished my morning plans. Take care of kids, start laundry, clean kitchen, take Prince L to the doctor.

So I did all that. And after leaving the doctors, I spent my time researching, spending more time with my kids, and just worrying. Well, worrying doesn’t do anything productive, so I’ve finely decided to change my post today – since I haven’t taken any photos yet, and the day has gotten away from me.

Our doctors visit was a routine well child check. Prince L is 9 months, and we’re in a new area, so I thought it best to get him in and check how he’s growing. He’s also had a cold, and some pretty terrible nights of screaming that have put me in tears myself. I wanted to have his ears checked as well, in case the cold had caused an ear infection.

The good news – he doesn’t have an ear infection….yet. It’s close to becoming one, so I need to get him better before it goes there.

The worrying news – he’s dropped significantly on the charts in his weight. In fact, thinking about it, I think he weighed the same today that he did at his 6month check. He was born in the 90th percentile, and had slowly come down to the 70th. Today however, he was down to the 5th-10th percentile. His height has continued to be consistent however (90th percentile…big kid).

I love our new doctor. He always has a smile, and completely listens to the 3 Princesses voice their concerns for little brother, and tell him all about their princess dolls, while at the same time actually doing his job of checking up the patient. He reminds me of our very first family doctor – and yes, I did ask him if I could pack him up in a box and move him with us. I liked him that much. So I am very happy to find another doctor that makes me feel secure in my children’s health.

So the new course of action – Calorie Packing my little guy. I’ve had 3 kids who have all grown steady, and could follow what the books say on when to feed certain things. Prince L is going to be different. He’s going to get everything we eat, but in smaller bites, and sometimes mushed up with my baby food grinder. I seriously love this thing by the way! All parents should have one.

And the news kept coming…… Our previous doctor found the abnormality, during his 4 month visit – a concave chest (I’m refraining from pictures here, because it can be quite the shocker if you’ve never seen this). At the time, he wasn’t worried, but wanted to keep an eye on it. Well then we moved. Our new doctor has requested we get a chest X-ray done. He said it’s pretty normal to do, so he can see just how far in his chest goes, and whether it might be causing some of the weight problems. More than likely it’s not, but later on it could also cause some heart problems, so it will be nice to know the extent of his abnormality. I am worried though. I mean, have you ever tried to get a 9 month old to sit still? Not to mention I’ll probably have 2 of the other kids with us as well.

But worrying really never helps. I just need to move into action. For the sake of my little boy, I can’t let the worry of what may happen, what the final outcome may be, cripple me from making the changes necessary for him.

Did you all read my book review yesterday? The book is called Goodnight, Brian. It’s a very touching story of a little boy who isn’t thriving, and instead getting poisoned from the “special” formula he’s taking. It takes so long to find the problem, that the boy ends up severely disabled with a diagnosis of never being able to walk or talk. After reading that book, and then being given the news that my boy is not gaining weight, was a bit distressing to say the least. If I learned anything from the book though, it’s that love can conquer the impossible. I am now officially done worrying, and moving on to lots of loving!

January 15, 2013