Tag: marriage

  • How to Support an Addicted Spouse in Recovery

    How to Support an Addicted Spouse in Recovery

    This post on helping an addicted spouse in recovery is a guest article written by Tyler from the Steps Recovery Center. No compensation was exchanged for this post. My goal is to provide content to help your family live a more full and purposeful life.

    Marriage is supposed to be one of the most rewarding relationships in our life, where spouses can go to each other for reassurance and feel loved in our everyday lives. Marriage is supposed to feel like a safe haven from the outside world.

    Have a spouse addicted to <fill in the blank>? These tips will help you support them in their recovery.” class=”wp-image-9327″/></figure>



<p><strong>Related Content:<em><a href= Learning to Love in a Marriage when Differences Arise

    Unfortunately, addiction can quickly turn the safe haven of marriage into a nightmarish cage. If you are the spouse of an addict, you’ve probably witnessed your partner change from a kind, loving person to someone whose mood requires you to walk on eggshells constantly.

    Even if your partner is actively working to recover from their addiction, it can be all too tempting to give in to despair. I’m here to tell you that there are steps you can take now that will not only help you support your spouse but also help you gain some semblance of normalcy in your life.

    Here are some tips on how to support your alcoholic or addicted spouse in recovery.

    Be Honest – Avoid Denial

    If you are married to an addict in recovery, the most important thing you can do is be honest with yourself about the situation. Too many people try to sweep their addicted spouse’s actions under the rug rather than address reality. However, ignoring the problem won’t help you or your spouse.

    Being honest doesn’t mean you need to tell everyone you meet about your problem, but it does mean you need to face it head-on. Doing this allows you to take control of your own well-being and helps you to determine what your next step should be.

    Do Your Research

    Addiction is a disease that can affect everyone in your family. The person you fell in love with still exists, they are just sick and need help.

    If you are married to an addict in recovery, all is not lost. There are many sources online full of tips and strategies to help you through this rough patch in your marriage.

    You should also consider contacting an experienced treatment specialist as they can help you gain a much clearer picture of your situation.

    The Steps Recovery Centers blog is a great place to start, as they regularly post blogs about addiction recovery and how to support an alcoholic spouse in recovery.

    Support a spouse through addiction recovery.

    Stop Enabling

    Whatever you do, and this can’t be emphasized enough, don’t enable your partner in their addiction. Enabling is doing anything that shelters an addict from the consequences of their actions and allows them to continue indulging in their addictions.

    Enabling an addict always causes more harm than good. Your goal is to help your spouse overcome their addiction through love and care, not help them continue their destructive behavior.

    Put You and Your Family First

    Ultimately, there is only one person you can change in this world, and that’s you. If you are the spouse of an addict, it’s vital that you place the needs of yourself and your family first.

    This means that you should continue with any family routines you may have, such as family dinner, even if your spouse doesn’t join you. Find some time to spend with family and friends. Taking the time to care for yourself can help you find inner strength that you didn’t even know you had!

    It’s also important to know your limits. Most spouses will eventually get the help they need. However, it’s important to remember that marriage doesn’t mean that you need to be tied to a sinking ship.

    Remember, addiction recovery is a process. Your spouse may make great strides some weeks and little to no progress other weeks. As many can attest, things can get better.

    Author’s Bio

    Tyler S. Hansen 
    Steps Recovery Centers
    General Manager

    Tyler S. Hansen. Steps Recovery Centers General Manager

    I am a recovering addict who currently has 7+ years clean and sober. I spent time in the Utah State Prison for drug and theft charges and now work as an Advanced Substance Use disorder counselor for Steps Recovery
    addiction Centers and the Utah County Sheriffs Office. I am also attending the MSW program at Brigham Young University and an advocate and speaker for recovery.

  • Couples Therapy Beyond the Counselors Office

    Couples Therapy Beyond the Counselors Office

    This post on Couples Therapy beyond the Counselors Office is sponsored by Regain.us. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

    Grow your relationship with these ideas for Couples Therapy Beyond the Counselors Office.

    Let’s start by saying that beyond a few visits with our local religious leader (aka LDS Bishop), and seeing individual counselors, I have never actually gone to a couples therapy. I do believe counselors can be very beneficial, and couples I’ve talked to who have or are meeting with one, have only good things to say about the improvement in their relationship. So is it worth it to visit a licensed therapist? I’ll let Regain.us convince you of that in their article – Couples Therapy Cost: Is It Worth It?

    I’d like to speak today more to the things we can do as couples beyond the counselors office. Any relationship has to be nourished to thrive. It’s very much like a plant. You can’t buy a plant because you love it, then set it on a table, ignore it, and wonder why it died a week later.

    Similarly, you can’t date someone, tell them you love them, maybe even marry them, and then ignore them, fight with them, and hope that they will still love you in the end.

    So what do you do to keep your relationship nourished? I reached out to my friends and asked for some of their tips on keeping the spark and love alive in a relationship. Their thoughts come from experience at growing their own relationships to connect as a couple.

    Couples Therapy by You

    Write Love Notes

    Write a love note and watch them smile.

    There are a number of ways you can implement this one. One friend uses a dry eraser marker and every day they write one thing they love/like about the other. Another friend uses sticky notes to leave her husband notes. I actually carry a pad of sticky notes with pre-written love notes to leave on Mark’s car when I drive by his work. Sticky notes are also great if your husband takes a lunch to work.

    Pray Together

    If you are religious, coming together as a couple in prayer to God, will ultimately improve your relationship. Praying as a couple means uniting in one person to seek supplication from a higher being. As we seek for love and understanding through a similar belief, our hearts are more open to accepting each other as they are.

    Buy a Massage Table

    Get physical, buy a massage table for your home.

    This one is a bit of a running joke in our family. Mark’s brother bought a massage table, but quite frequently it’s used to hold the unfolded laundry, papers, and other clutter. I’m sure it gets it’s use sometimes though… Either way, it is a good idea to create a space in your home to reconnect with each other. Whether it be a massage table, or just the massage tools, connecting through physical touch is important for couples.

    Go Out Without The Kids

    At least once a month a date night out should be required for married couples. After marriage, it’s easy to let the kids, work, and household responsibilities get in the way of date nights. Don’t let it. If possible, make it a weekly date night, but I’m a realist so I know that can be difficult when you first start to rekindle a relationship. Go ahead and have home dates weekly, after the kids are in bed. Just make it a commitment to once a month get out and don’t even talk about the kids!

    Make Time for Conversation

    Make time for conversation as a couple, without distraction.

    A good date night to the movie is always nice, but it leaves little room for conversation. Picking activities that allow more time to speak and share our lives instead of just living them side by side can only help the blossoms to bloom. My friends suggest things such as dancing, going for walks in parks, and making Home Depot runs together. One of my favorite day dates was a walk in the park followed by a picnic lunch on the grass.

    Laugh Together

    A good hearty laugh with your spouse is sometimes truly needed. After one of our worst years, after the funeral of my Father-In-Law, we took the kids to a park to get some energy out. Mark and I hopped on a double swing, and soon the laughter was just bubbling out of me. A comment was made, that that kind of laughing hadn’t been heard in quite some time. Laughter allows the stress of life to wash away, if only for a moment in time, and that can bring two people much closer together.

    Surprise Gifts

    need some couples therapy? Try sharing a surprise gift with your spouse for no reason other than to say I love you.

    When money becomes a stresser in a marriage it can be difficult to purchase anything unneeded. However, if you can manage to put in a little bit of funds to every so often surprise your spouse with a little something they would like, you’ll find a smile waiting for you when it’s given. Gift cards to their favorite lunch spot, a favorite candy bar, flowers, it doesn’t have to be big at all.

    Disagree Respectfully

    If you read an article I wrote last weekend, you’ll know I believe it’s important that we recognize the differences in our spouse and ourselves. So, yes you will have disagreements. It’s important that when you have these disagreements though, you do so respectfully. If you can listen to each other, truly open your ears and your heart you’ll grow together. In the words of one friend, “When we leave the disagreement understanding each other more and feeling understood it can be a very powerful experience that builds that bond closer.”

    Try New Things

    Try something new to rekindle your love.

    As we are different people, trying new things serves for a 2-fold purpose. First, it’s just fun to try something new, and when you do it as a couple, you are creating memories together. Secondly, it’s good to try something that is new to you, but that your spouse has always loved. Showing an interest in something you may not have tried otherwise tells your companion that you love who they are, and are interested in more than the feeling of love, but the action.

  • Learning to Love in a Marriage when Differences Arise

    Learning to Love in a Marriage when Differences Arise

    This post on marriage is sponsored by Regain.us. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

    Learning to love in a marriage when differences arise is not a walk in the park. More like a rollercoaster ride with a wind advisory.

    Marriage is not a nice ride in the park. It’s much more like a roller-coaster ride with a wind advisory. You go up and down, and your body wants to move one way, while the inertia pushes you in another. Add in a little unexpected wind gusts, and sometimes you might find yourself feeling pretty sick.

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    Tips for a Successful Marriage

    Mark and I met late one February, and by the first week in April were engaged with a wedding date set for late July. At the time, we were head over heels in love, and felt we knew each other as well as one could.

    Turns out, we hardly knew each other at all. That may sound like the beginning to a bad story, but it’s not at all. Our story hasn’t ended yet, and we plan for it to last through the eternities. In order for that to happen, though, we’ve had to learn and grow quite a bit.

    I recall very shortly after marrying Mark visiting his parents. A sibling was there and put out the question “So what quirks bother you about each other.” Mark was pretty quick with an answer about how I slept funny and took up a fair portion of the bed, while my mind drew a blank. I’d never looked for anything that bothered me about Mark.

    Unfortunately, that question which was probably meant to cause no harm, changed my mind set. I did start looking for the differences, and what bothered me. Surely there was something right? I probably did this out of feeling embarrassed listening to my sleep described, but mostly I think it became a subconscious thing.

    It’s been 13 years, and I have only just begun to come full circle back to that oh so innocent question. One that I didn’t realize but had tainted my marriage. It’s a question I vow never to ask a newly married couple, or even a long time married couple. We all have differences and they will come up in your marriage. It’s what you do with those differences though, that will keep your story going or not.

    Differences will arise in your marriage. Let them lift you up instead of pull you down.

    Keys to Loving your Marriage despite differences

    Acknowledge that you have differences.

    I believe early on we had formulated this idea that we thought the same, and any difference was some sort of fault in the other person. How could people so different have found each other and fallen in love?

    Listen without judgement.

    Once you have acknowledged that you are different people with different experiences the judging starts to take a backseat. Learning to listen to your spouse’s difference in opinion will actually strengthen you beyond marriage. You will become a more compassionate person able to understand many others your walk in life comes across.

    Accept yourself the way you are.

    It’s hard for a spouse to love their partner, if their partner doesn’t love themselves. Mark and I both came into our marriage with a lot of self-defeat. We thought we were both just passive pleasers, but it was much deeper than that. We didn’t love ourselves, and that made it really hard to love each others differences.

    Find common ground.

    Finding the differences in a married couple is quite easy. Now it’s time to find common ground. Find things you both enjoy, and then build off of those. Mark and I love watching movies together, so we make that a regular time spent together – even if it means giving something else up (often for us it’s a little bit of extra sleep).

    Don't use your spouses difference as ammunition in an argument. You'll regret it later.

    Don’t let differences become ammunition.

    By following the steps above, when you do have an argument – or disagreement – you won’t use those differences as ammunition to tear down your spouse because you understand them. When our differences are used as ammunition, we will inevitably regret our words later.

    Disagreements will pass.

    Funny enough, just last week I found myself really mad at Mark – today I can remember the feeling, but I couldn’t tell you what in the world I was mad about. I’d like to believe that part of that is because I knew deep down inside that the reason was a silly one. Whatever it was didn’t mesh with “my ideas”, but it didn’t mean I was right. The best way to let disagreements pass, is to not talk about them with others. As soon as you pull in outside “reinforcements”, you’re going to stay in the cycle of anger longer.

    Counseling can Help

    If you find your differences are just too big to manage on your own, it’s OK to seek professional help. While Mark and I have never gone to marriage counseling, it’s something I have considered greatly. A few years ago, when I was really struggling, I told Mark I was meeting with our local religious leader. I told him that he was welcome to come, but whether or not he did, I was going. He chose to come, and despite some hard struggles, we have been headed mostly uphill ever since.

    Regain.us has a great article on the benefits of marriage counseling, and when you should seek it out. I particularly like that their point that we are all struggling with something, and marriage counseling can help us understand ourselves, as well as our spouse and their struggles. Because despite being married to someone, we often don’t want the person we love the most to know just how fragile we might really be.

  • How to Have a Romantic Evening at Home

    How to Have a Romantic Evening at Home

    How to Have a Romantic Evening at Home

    by Alek Sabin

    How to have a romantic evening at home When you picture a romantic evening with your significant other, what are you imagining? Rooftop restaurants and majestic getaways? That’s fair, but the more extravagant you make a nice romantic night on the town, the further away it gets from being a reality. You don’t really need to break the bank by going out to a fancy restaurant, at least not if you’re willing to put in a little more effort and get a little creative. Truth be told, some of the best romantic evenings can be had in the confines of your own home. Here are some steps on how you can have a romantic evening at home…

    Invite your partner, formally

    How to have a romantic evening at home beyond Netflix

    Just because you are planning on having a date night in, it doesn’t mean you can’t get a little fancy with it. This shouldn’t feel like a lazy date, just because you’re having it at home. The first step to making this feel like more of an event is to actually formally invite your partner. Get a nice invitation made up, and then find a clever way to ask them on the date. It might feel a little silly, but it will show them that you care and that this is more than just your typical night in.

    Still get dressed up

    How to have a romantic evening at home beyond Netflix

    There might be nothing nicer than putting on some sweats for a cuddly night of Netflix. In some ways, that’s the most romantic date of all, but it’s not really the point of planning a nice night in. If you want to make this date feel special, still treat it as if you were going out to a 5-star restaurant. That means putting on your best threads. Take some time to prepare yourself and look your best, even if you aren’t even leaving the house in that outfit. This shows your partner that you took all that time to get ready just for them, and them alone.

    dresses, custom clothing, womens dresses,fashion, retro, fall, spring, fit and flare dresses, knit dresses
     

    Make your home feel like a getaway

    How to have a romantic evening at home beyond Netflix

    If you really want a date night in your home to feel special, then take some pains to make your home feel different than it normally does. Getting some romantic decorations to set the mood for your date is going to make all the difference in feeling like it’s any other night or feeling like you really are at an extravagant getaway. Some classic romantic decorations could simply include some flowers and candles. It’s not a lot, but it goes a long way towards setting the tone of the evening.

    Go above and beyond for the meal

    How to have a romantic evening at home beyond Netflix

    If you don’t want to spend all that money on going out to eat, then why not take it a step further and put in the effort to show how much better your home cooking is, anyway? Cooking together can be a really romantic activity where you both work towards something that you both get to enjoy. When it comes to picking the right dish, either stick with something that you know you can prepare and cook well or, if you’re feeling adventurous, crack open the internet to try a new exotic recipe that you’ve never tried before! You’re bound to have a few “someday I’ll try…” recipes sitting on a Pinterest board out there.

    Try making your own drinks

    How to have a romantic evening at home beyond Netflix

    A great way to make a meal feel like a lot more is by dressing it up with all the frills that you’d get at a party or restaurant. That means mocktails, appetizers, and a special dessert, and maybe even serving up dinner in a few separate courses. If you want to make the evening extra-special, try making some fun new mocktails, which are usually pretty simple to put together. Put some extra effort into presentation.


  • Word of the year for 2015: Marriage

    Word of the year for 2015: Marriage

    Marriage. 4 tips on becoming a better spouse

    Last year I chose to start my year off with a word instead of a resolution. I chose Joy, and created a display to remind us. This year, I feel my eyes have been opened again, this time more internally. For 2015 the word I have chosen is Marriage. 


    As 2014 was wrapping up, and I was looking ahead to new year, I began reflecting on myself. How can I personally be better – you know the normal things people look at when making resolutions. I don’t remember what it was exactly but one day I felt my eyes were opened. I was looking at my marriage very superficially. I was standing on the outside looking in, and I was being very judgmental, mostly of my husband. 


    I felt my pride crushed, and humility truly start to take form. From an outside, glazed over perspective, it was easy to say all our troubles were not my fault. A closer examination, and something I’m willing to bet would be similar to all marriages is that it takes two. Yes your spouse may be making choices that hurt your or the family, but perhaps you’ve made some as well. Chances are good you have, they just may not be as apparent. 


    Looking back, I could have been happier, I could have found more joy, if I had had a different attitude. Rather than the disappointing glances, the sighs and anger – I should have spent my energy on comfort, love, and most of all grace. What I’m coming to realize is that over a couple years of struggles I sank to a low without even realizing it. 


    2015 is the year my marriage takes precedence. I am promising myself, my husband, and letting you in on it too with a couple of ideas to get us started.


    4 tips on becoming a better spouse #marriage #2015word

    More Grace. Wiki defines grace as “Generous, free and totally unexpected”. Our spouses should actually expect our grace, and we should freely give it more often. We need to give our spouses more grace. To love them despite their human tendencies, because self check – you’re human too! In the face of any trials that come your way in 2015, and I know they’ll come, commit to giving more grace. 


    More Patience. When two people decide to join their life into one, it’s hard to remember that you are still separate beings with likes and dislikes. When a disagreement happens, it’s easy to get frustrated, to feel you’re right, and be angry that this supposed other half seems almost alien in their opinion. Try to understand them, and really listen. This year commit to giving more patience in the face of disagreement, and remember that though you’re entitled to an opinion, so are they.


    More Support. How can anyone feel good about doing anything, if they don’t have your support? When an idea is given, do you turn it down, do you really listen to it and consider it? Are you afraid of the same outcomes from a past failed idea? This year commit to giving your spouse more support. Listen. Support in their ideas, their pursuits, and most importantly their feelings. Support your spouse through the trials, as well as the successes. With a strong support system, the impossible can be accomplished. 


    More Us. It’s so easy to let the kids take over your life; the kids, a busy schedule, or maybe a messy house. These are just excuses, don’t let them get in your way. Mix things up and be spontaneous, spice up your life! Text your spouse mid day and challenge them to a board game or card game after the kids have gone to bed. Make a special dinner and dessert just for the two of you. Put your electronic gadgets away the second they come home, so you can spend more time together. Make them your focus, tie the activity to just the two of you, and keep it stress free. You want them to be with you so make it easy. This year, commit to more time together.
     

     

     This year I commit to us – to my Marriage!
  • Tips for a Successful Marriage

    Tips for a Successful Marriage

    *This post is sponsored by Swiffer. All personal thoughts and tips for a successful marriage are my own*

    I don’t get on youtube a whole lot unless a video is shared directly with me. Some of my all time favorites are the cute old couples, who have been together forever. There’s just something about them that you can’t help like, and hope and dream that someday you’ll be that cute old couple.

    Couples like Morty and Lee give me the warm fuzzies. You can see their love for each other, but also their determination to be themselves. I just love it. 

    Today Mark and I are celebrating 8 years of marriage. We have a long way to go before becoming the Morty and Lee couple, but it is what we strive for. Here are a few tips for a successful marriage I’d like to share.

    Communicate

    On our honeymoon, Mark and I listened to a book someone had given us on marriage. The one piece of advice we both grasped on to, was communication. It told a story of a couple driving.

    The husband at the wheel, the wife as passenger. Wife was getting hot, and said something to the effect “it’s really warm out today”. Husband replies “yes it is”, and continues driving. The wife sees an ice cream shop ahead and says “A cool treat would be nice in this heat”.  Husband replies “yeah an ice cold soda would be nice”, and passes by the ice cream shop. Wife then begins to get angry. You never listen to me, she complains. Why didn’t you stop at the ice cream shop?!  Of course the husband is confused and baffled at his wife’s outburst. He had no idea she saw the ice cream, and wanted some. She didn’t communicate her wants properly, and expected her husband to just know. 

    This story is all paraphrased from what I remember 8 years ago. Probably not exactly the story, but you can picture it right?  How often do we do this to each other. Communication is so important in your marriage.

    Hold on to Wedding Vows

     



    So many marriages include the words “For better or worse” “through sickness and health” and “till death do we part”.  But how many of these become just words to couples, as they toss out their marriage because they “fell out of love”, or one spouse made a mistake that becomes unforgivable to the other.

    I will tell you right now – we have had our bad times. I expect more to come. But I know that I will fight for our marriage. I know that Mark will too because I know I’ll make my share of mistakes. As I forgive Mark for mistakes, I hope he can forgive me for mine as well. In our wedding, the words “For Time and All Eternity” replace “Till Death Do you Part”. When we are having a rough patch, I remind myself of that. I want to be married to Mark for all eternity. I plan on being married to Mark for all eternity. So we work on it. We push through until we come out to a sunny day – and there will be sunny days when you fight for each other, I promise!

    Take time for each other

    It’s often been suggested that you should have a monthly date night. A time to focus solely on each other, without the distraction of work, kids, or chores. By reconnecting you tell your spouse that you love them. You want to spend time with them, and you want to hear what’s on their mind that that they may not get to tell you during the rush of everyday routines.

    Mark and I have almost a daily date. After putting the kids to bed, we sit together with snacks and watch our favorite shows, or we pull out a book to read together. Sometimes we’ll just use that time to reconnect as well.


    Take time for yourself

    I fail at this frequently.  I have a hard time taking that time for myself because I feel like I must be selfish. It’s not selfish, though!  Let me repeat…Making time for yourself is not selfish!  There could come a point where all you’re doing is taking time for you, and then it would be selfish. But whether it’s getting up early to enjoy the morning quiet daily, or doing a weekly activity, you need that time. It allows you to enjoy a moment and free your mind of any negativity. Your spouse and family will enjoy the refreshed you. I learned this important lesson recently when I went to the Inspire My Life event with just my sister in law. I felt refreshed for almost 2 weeks after that, and still just thinking about it lightens my mood.


    Learn your spouses Love Language

    If you haven’t read the book 5 Love Languages, I recommend it. If you don’t want to read it though, I do suggest taking the Love Language test.  It’s really a wonderful gauge to see what others can do for you that make you feel the most loved. If you know your spouse’s language it will be easier to show them love, and they will feel your love much more in a way that truly impacts their life. For me, my main love language is Physical Touch. I love hugging, kissing, and holding hands with my husband. These simple acts, for me, bring us closer as a couple.

    Focus on the positives

    This is especially important during the rough times. We can get so caught up in the negatives of a situation that after eating away at ourselves, it will start to eat away at our marriage. A good rule of thumb is for every negative thought, think of 5 positives. I’ve often been told that I have a good outlook on life, and I do hope that’s true. Things like a job loss, have me looking at the idea that we can move closer to family.  Sure a job loss has been pretty scary for us recently, and if I wanted to I could dwell on the negative impacts our family is going through, but I’ve held fast to these positive thoughts, and because of it, I feel closer to Mark in a way I  hadn’t before.

     

    Be Flexible and Humble

    Because this is a post on marriage advice, I asked Mark what he would add to my list.  I couldn’t agree more with him. In a successful and long lasting marriage, you should be flexible in your wants, and be willing to give things up.  It is also important to be humble. To apologize when you’ve made a mistake and work to correct it. On the other side of that, I’d also like to add be forgiving. Forgive your spouse when they make a mistake and allow them the chance to fix it. An unforgiving spouse has as much fault as the one who messed up.

    How Do You Have a Successful Marriage?

  • Till Death Do We Part? {Think About It}

    Till Death Do We Part? {Think About It}

    It’s a phrase we’ve all heard.

    Till Death Do We Part

    The question I pose today, though, is how often do we truly commit to that promise? In these days, how many couples stay married until death parts them?  
    It seems to me, that more and more, the words should be rephrased “Till I’m sick of picking up your socks” or “Till I’m bored, and want a change of life.”
    Think about it.
    How many people do you know have been through a divorce, have divorced parents, perhaps you’re divorce yourself?

    When the Exception becomes the Norm

    “Mawage. Mawage is what bwings us togeffer today” ~Princess Bride
    I’m sure you’ve all seen it, but let me recap. Buttercup has been forced to marry the Prince. She doesn’t love him though, she loves Wesley, but believes he is dead.  After the ceremony, Buttercup is alone in her chamber and begins to take a knife to her chest. It is better she be dead than married. When suddenly there is Wesley. Buttercup than suffers a conflict – she’s married, but her love is actually alive. She could just run off with Wesley, but she doesn’t. That is until Wesley shows her she isn’t married, because she never said “I Do”.
    Alright, this might be a confusing, and complicated example, bare with me here. 
    Marriage and the act of marrying someone meant a commitment. At least until death. Now I’m not saying opt for suicide over divorce, please don’t read into it that much! What I’m saying is Buttercup was married, and she knew the commitment that she made (but didn’t really). 
    I ask, when did the exceptions for divorce – unfaithfulness, abuse – turn into a normal occurrence? We divorce because “we fell out of love” or “she/he isn’t the same person”. When did marriage become easy? 
    Think about it!

    For Time and All Eternity 

    In the LDS faith, in our temples, we don’t marry until death. Instead the words “For time and all eternity” are used. We truly believe that we will be married beyond death. Connecting our families past, present and future generations. 

    Does that mean it’s easy? No! I want to be very honest with you here. Mark and I have had our share of struggles. A few years ago, the word Divorce came up. I think the mere mention of that word sent Mark and I into a little shock. It’s something neither of us had ever considered, so having it crop up so easily in a time of marital strife, was a shocker. 
    We chose to change. He had things to work on, and so did I.  I couldn’t hold a grudge and analyze his every action waiting for him to mess up. I had to trust that he would change, and work on my own problems, and hope that he trusted me enough to change as well. 
    We love each other, and we love our kids. We weren’t going to take our promise to love each other for eternity lightly. We wanted to make our marriage work. For each other, and for our kids. 
    Think about it.

    How does Marriage effect Home life?

    It does, doesn’t it? Otherwise, why do we bother with marriage? Why do same sex couples push so hard to have legal marriages? 
    There must be something we find important in a legal and binding marriage.  Otherwise, wouldn’t we all just live with whoever, whenever, having babies as they come?
    Here are my thoughts. Of course, they are faith based as well. I believe marriage is something ordained of God. I believe the family is central to our eternal lives. What is life without love? What would an eternity without our loved ones be like?  

    My top priority is to raise my kids in a loving home. If I wasn’t married I feel an important aspect of love would be missing for my kids. As we sacrifice for our spouses, our kids see that. They may not understand it as an act of love in their young ages, but one day they will. Did you see how we just bought a dog? I am really not a dog person, or any animal for that matter (though chickens I think would be fun…). I often found many excuses for us to not buy a dog. I always justified them with “one day. I promise”. Well that day came. I had to let go of my own reservation and feelings, because deep down, I knew it would make Mark happy (the kids too). And you know what, I wanted Mark to be happy. Turns out we got a pretty good dog, I’m in love with him already.
    What does divorce teach our kids? 
    What does marriage teach them?
    Think about it!
    (Feel free to grab this printable! Right click and save)


    I’d love to hear your thoughts. Let’s have an open discussion below. 
    Note: I am not suggesting suicide in place of divorce. I am not suggesting you stay in an abusive marriage. If you are being abused, I urge you to seek help. A marriage takes work from both parties, and there truly is only so much one person can give.