Category: parenting

Not many actions make parents cringe than watching a child lie to their face.

But children do this, and truth be told everybody lies. That’s just a fact. But what should you do if you want to encourage children to be honest?

Well, let’s first look at lies and lying straight in the face before jumping to conclusions.

Victoria Talwar and Angela Crossman, in their paper “From Little White Lies to Filthy Liars, The Evolution of Honesty and Deception in Young Children”, took a solid look at children and lying in 2011.

They broke children’s lies into two types: Lies of self-protection (anti-social lying) and lies helping to benefit others (pre-social lying)

Here are two quick stories we’ll use to take a closer look at each type of lying.

1. Jane accidentally knocked mother’s cherished vase to the floor and it broke. When Jane’s mom asks who broke the vase, Jane says the cat did it. Jane is self-protecting.
2. Jane’s little brother, Peter, sees the family cat jump up, knocking mother’s cherished vase to the floor. When Peter’s mom asks who broke the vase, Peter says he himself did it. He’s protecting the cat.

These two stories hint at the subtleties of deception in children and everyone else for that matter. It shows the delicate reason why creative imagination can be an important skill in life.

Talwar and Crossman call it “The Paradox of Lies”.

The Paradox of Lies

Related Content: How to Have Big Conversations in Little Moments

In our first story, to be sure, Jane was interested in self-preservation so she chose to deflect the blame to the cat. Which is considered wrong. But it can also be an important skill…

If this were a real life-or-death situation sometime later in Jane’s lifetime, would it be wrong for her to be deceitful to stay alive? I as a parent would say “Jane, lie your little head off if you have to.”

In the second story, Peter chooses to accept the blame to protect the cat.

Historically, in more serious terms, this type of lying protected persecuted peoples from harm because others hid them from persecutors and lied about it. This is considered truly noble… but a lie nonetheless.

So, while some parents might react with “My gosh, little Jane (or Peter) just told me a lie. If I don’t correct this, it’s just a short walk to becoming a psychopath. He (or She) needs to be punished to learn a lesson.”

But it’s easy to see that the act of lying has subtle lessons to be taught.

The lessons themselves would take a lifetime to explore, so I’ll leave that reasoning to you. This is parenting after all. ForMyCrib.com is filled with useful info and advice to help you create a caring, safe and happy sanctuary for your family in which these delicate issues can be ironed out.

Here are some solid ways parents encourage children to be honest, or not.

Be the Example

 

 Whether it’s helping the grocer’s cashier make the till right because they gave you too much change or telling your brother-in-law you won’t be making the holidays because you’ve gotten sick, and you’re not, you set the example for your children.

Nothing you do in raising children will speak to them more than how you live your life. To set the example of “do what I say, not what I do” is a set up for troubled days ahead. Be consistent, be open. Show your children what honesty means to you by how honest you are.

Create a Safe Space

Every reaction you display in your child’s eyes is going to set up wiring in their minds. Whether this wiring connects in ways where they feel they can tell you anything, or that they need to protect themselves with lies depends largely on how you react to what may be uncomfortable situations.

When your child feels the need to “fess up” about a thing they’ve done they need to feel secure, especially in the formative stages of development.

Reacting with angry outburst and loud, angry words are not going to make your child feel safe. In fact, you may be creating an environment of mistrust and fear. Neither of which make for great learning environments.

Acknowledge honest admissions, especially the hard ones

When you know it has been hard for your child to come to you and share a terrible thing they have done you don’t have to celebrate, but you should let them know you appreciate what they have done.

Courage is a hard thing to muster. And when anybody manages the courage to do what could be a very self-damaging thing that’s a special moment. These are the moments you want your children to think back on and realize that honesty is the best policy.

Look for the “Why”

There’s always a reason why behind a lie. Sometimes it is serious, sometimes it’s not. But taking the time to work with your child and understanding the thought process behind the reasoning is valuable parenting material.

Knowing why the lie had to happen will tell you about the kind of environment your child sees. It may give you cues about what you may be doing that is helping set examples that you may not want to set.

Children are great teachers for parents, and you learn by listening to what they say. Don’t always assume because they are children they have no good reasoning and nothing valuable to say.

Don’t try to “Catch Them Out”

If you know your child didn’t do something they were supposed to, don’t ask them if they did it.

If you do, then you’re inviting a lie because they know an expectation wasn’t met.

You know the answer to your question already. So instead try asking them what can be done to get the task done. These moments are great teaching points.

You have a clear line between expectations and delivery, or right and wrong. Capitalize on this knowledge by using your wisdom to guide your child through the honesty maze.

Don’t Overreact

Remaining calm isn’t easy when inside you’re boiling over. But if you don’t you are reinforcing the idea that when your child is honest about something you’re going to blow up.

That’s not good. Sometimes it means you taking a moment, maybe more, to gather your thoughts.

You can walk away. But when you do, be sure to explain that you don’t want to deal with the issue right now, but it will be addressed.

Encouraging your child to be honest is not always an easy thing to do. It takes understanding, patience, and time. But the rewards are huge.

If you keep your focus on growing the human being in front of you to their best ability, they will show you the guideposts. Just follow.

References: From Little White Lies to Filthy Liars

Author: Al Stander – Facebook

Al is a passionate father of two rambunctious boys who love life. They love to explore various learning tools to improve living, from educational to motivational.

He is of the firm belief that learning is best done through play and love, finding new ways to take advantage of this way of thinking.

I received products in exchange for this post on Allergy Friendly Lunchbox Ideas. All opinions are my own. 

Allergies are becoming ever more prevalent these days. With these lunchbox ideas, you can send your kids to school feeling safe and healthy. 

It was the summer before Lincoln started Kindergarten, when all of a sudden we put 2 and 2 together. He had allergies. Not the seasonal, everyone’s allergic to pollen kind – no the food kind. After a couple bouts of facial swelling, we got into our pediatrician who did a simple IGE blood test. While not conclusive until we see a specialist, that blood test pointed to almost all the top food allergies being a problem – Wheat, Milk, Cashews, and Sesame Seeds being the top offenders, but varying small ranges of Egg whites, peanuts, soybeans and walnuts as well. 

What’s a Mom to do when getting her son ready for Kindergarten though? He desperately wanted to eat school lunch, but until we have everything narrowed down I’m packing his lunch from home. This way I know he’s safe and eating a healthy lunch. Thank goodness for these awesome products that are not only safe for him, but they offer him a fun treat each day too. 

I’ve always been an advocate for kids with allergies and keeping them safe, I just never thought I’d be the mom of one, and with such a wide range of allergies too. After 2 weeks of packing lunches free of allergens, I wanted to share some ideas with you. Hopefully, this will help any other “new to allergy” moms find safe products for their kids without becoming overwhelmed.

Allergy Friendly Lunchbox Ideas

Protein

Coming up with protein for his lunch felt daunting at first. Normally these things go on bread, but to elminate all allergies, we’ve found they work well alone, and he still eats them. 

• Rolled lunchmeats. Double check ingredients, especially on Bologna and Salami, as they may contain soy. 
• Pumpkin Seeds
• Pepperoni
• Refried Beans

Fruits and Vegetables

While this one seems self explanatory, I’ve come up with fun ways to present the fruits and veggies so it’s not always the same. 

• Fruit Smoothies. Use coconut milk or water to blend together. Freeze overnight, and by lunch, it will be perfect for drinking or eating. 
• Green Smoothies. Add spinach, carrots, squash, and zucchini to the smoothie for a boost of veggies. Try this Cherry Berry Zucchini Smoothie and replace the yogurt with coconut milk.
• Fruit Salad
• Green Salad minus the dressing
• Applesauce

Allergy Friendly Treats

I always like to include a little treat in my kids lunchbox. Call it a consolation prize for bringing home lunch, or a bribe to eat the rest of the food and still love me. When going through our snacks, I discovered just how many things have added, wheat, soy and milk ingredients. 

• Popcorn. We love The Little Kernel Mini Popcorn. Even their butter and cheese flavors use a non-dairy substitute.
• Fruit Rolls and Snacks. Welch’s has always been my go to for fun snacking. Made with Fruit as their 1st ingredient always, they just came out with a Fruit Roll for more good snacking. If you’re looking for a more organic snack my kids love the Go Organically brand – in fact, it’s the only brand of fruit snack my oldest will eat. 
• Beverages. While most kids are grabbing a chocolate milk, Lincoln can’t do that. So instead I’ve packed him fun drinks like AquaBall that is naturally flavored with Stevia and Brooklyn Organics Craft GingerAles for a slightly more special drink. 

This I’m sure is just the beggining of our allergy friendly journey. I hope it eases your mind some if you are also just starting out. If you’re a long time allergy parent, I’d love some more ideas for allergy friendly lunchbox foods.

Today is the first day of school. It is either going to be the longest day of my year or the shortest. 

See I sent my baby off to Kindergarten today and my oldest to her last first day of elementary. Now granted, he’s really not my baby anymore. We have a new baby to keep me plenty busy. However, for the last 5 years, he was my baby. The last. He and I, we did everything together. For the last 2 years, it was just us at home while his sisters went off to school. 

In years past I jumped with joy on that first day of school. I didn’t understand the parents who said they cried as they watched their kids start school. When I was a kid, freedom was synonymous with the first day of summer break. As an adult, I’ve considered freedom to be synonymous with the first day of school. 

First Day of School Feelings

It’s a New Adventure:

With Venice, I was so excited for her to get out and meet new friends. She was going to learn all kinds of awesome things. Her shyness would hopefully be overcome as she makes new and lasting friendships. This was a natural part of growing up, and so I had no fears. 

A Perfect Fit:

Chloe was always a social bug and so when school came for her, I knew it was her element. She’d fit right in, and be happier there than spending the days at home with me. Not only was she ready socially, but learning came so naturally to her. She was reading over Venice’s shoulders before her first day of school ever came.

Can School Be Every Day?:

Rosalina, my wild child, I was just ready for a break from. Not because I don’t love her, but because she is strong-willed, independent, and exhausting! Hey, it takes a village here, right? We needed the break from each other so our time spent together could be filled with more love and fun, and fewer battles of power. Admittedly I was terrified that first week that she was going to decide school was boring, and just leave on her own. I prayed in my heart that first day of school that the phone would not ring.

Terrified:

I thought I would be excited to send Lincoln off today. Just as with the others. Instead, my insides are all twisted. This is a new life experience and should be full of excitement. I know he will love it. He was so frustrated every day last year when he couldn’t get on the bus with his sisters, and I was excited for the prospect of getting on top of my to do list, instead of always behind.

Now I sit here, wondering if he’s doing OK. Did they get him to his classroom? Is he feeling nervous? What if he wants me, and nothing else will console him? What if he has an allergic reaction? Will they get him on the right bus to come home? It took everything in me not to wake the baby and chase the bus to the school, just for one “last hug”. 

For him, I put on my brave face. My smile and excitement just as strong as his. I know he’ll be fine. It’s just tough. I miss him here, bouncing on the couch next to me while I try to get work done. Begging me to play Transformers with him, and then acting like I’m crazy when I talk for Optimus Prime – because apparently, I don’t say the right things. Insisting he’s hungry every 5 minutes, even while food is sitting in front of him. My buddy day in and day out, is for the first time gone – all. day. long.

---

The house is eerily quiet. My new baby, Harold, is sound asleep for his morning nap, and I can’t help but feel grateful for the next 5 years with him. We plan to make every moment count.

Now excuse me while I go cry because my baby is all grown up and in Kindergarten.

GlassesUSA.com provided glasses for this post on Tips for Kids Wearing Glasses. All opinions are my own. 

When you discover your kids need glasses, one of the first thoughts may be how in the world will we keep them from breaking. Well, fear not, because I’ve got some tips for you!

So we haven’t had the need for glasses with our kids yet, but it wouldn’t surprise me if we did eventually. Mark needed glasses up until he got lasik, and as I’ve gotten older I can tell I will eventually need glasses myself. While I hope our kids never need them, I know our odds are most likely that 1 of them will end up with a need for glasses. 

When that time comes I want to be prepared to keep the glasses clean and unbroken so we won’t have to spend all our money replacing the lenses. I talked to my Mom who had 2 children in glasses and then to my sister in law whose children recently started wearing glasses. 

Tips for Kids Wearing Glasses

On The Face or In The Case

I love this little rhyme. It’s easy for kids to remember because it rhymes. It also teaches them where the glasses should be kept. Not on the table, not on the counter. If they aren’t on their face, the glasses should be in their case. This is an especially important lesson to learn if you have school aged children. My mom said she has some parents who ask that their kids not wear their glasses to recess – the problem is then they forget where they put them inside, or forget to put them back on. If they know to put them in their case, then this can be more doable.

On Your Face or In The Case – Tips for Kids Wearing Glasses #ad Share on X

Don’t let Friends Wear Them

I remember being a child and thinking it was cool to see what the world looked like through my friends’ glasses. Since I didn’t need them, for me everything turned blurry. As an adult, I’ve realized this was not something I should have been doing. Teach your kids not to let their friends play with their glasses. Also, remind your non-glass wearing children not to touch other people’s glasses. I feel like I have to constantly remind my children to keep their hands off.

Find Glasses your Kids Love

Kids won’t care for their glasses if they don’t love them. Let them try on a few pairs at the eye doctors to get a good idea of how they fit and what they find comfortable. Then check out GlassesUSA.com for over 2500 different styles. With GlassesUSA.com you can upload a picture of your child and try on every single pair to see how they frame their face and how the colors may compliment their eyes.

Buy Affordable Glasses

In the case your children do misplace or break their glasses as they begin to get used to wearing them, you don’t want to have spent hundreds of dollars each time. GlassesUSA.com offers an affordable option to parents with prescription glasses that can save you up to 70% OFF retail prices. With prescription lenses included free with every pair of glasses, you can find a complete pair of glasses – frame and lenses – starting at $48. Even better is that you can shop risk-free! If you’re not happy with your kids’ glasses, return them for a 100% money back guarantee within 14 days and a 365-day product warranty. 

Do you have kids wearing glasses? Try ordering your next pair from GlassesUSA.com

Creating a night time routine for your baby is essential in helping them regulate their sleep and the key to a good night’s sleep for mom. This post is sponsored by The Baby Cubby. All opinions expressed are my own honest thoughts. This post contains affiliate links and I will be compensated when you click on and purchase through them.

The biggest key to a good night time routine is to keep it the same every night, but also to be flexible with your baby. Watching for signs of tiredness, hunger and distress have been the biggest help for me as we regulate our night time schedule. After 5 kids, I think I’ve finally figured this whole night time thing out. 

I use to think a routine didn’t really matter. The baby would sleep when the baby slept, and be awake when they wanted to be awake. Unfortunately, that’s just not true. Baby’s need help to relax and start setting their bodies clocks. The following is what I have done with Harold, and he has been my best sleeper of all the kids. This is advice I wish I’d had with my last 4 kids. 

Start the Night Time Routine with a Bath

The beginning of your routine is what needs to be flexible. You could say that you will start your routine every night at 7:30, but if the baby took an early evening nap, they might not be ready to go right back to bed. Or they didn’t get a great nap in the afternoon and might be tired a little earlier. The key here is to start baby’s routine about 45minutes to an hour before you want them to sleep. 

We start our routine with a bath. We shoot for around 7:30-8pm when I have the rest of the kids getting their teeth brushed and jammies on. This has helped us all get to bed about the same time each night. I stick Harold in his bath and take the time to talk to him as I clean out all those crevices the spit up has worked its way into. 

Whether you choose to start with a bath or not is up to you. It’s OK to be flexible. What’s important is the atmosphere created around the night time routine. Harold loved his baths but has recently taken a bit of dislike to the water, so we’ve become flexible and some nights he gets more of a sponge bath. Isn’t this Turkish Towel from Lulujo adorable? 

Night Time Massage

After the bath, I move on to a baby massage. Baby massages have been encouraged since I was a first-time mom 10 years ago, and I still find they help relax both my baby and myself. I’m currently using the Tubby Todd Lavender and Rosemary Lotion. Lavender has been used as a way to relax and help with sleep for ages. Rosemary is known for helping soothe sore muscles, so I can only imagine it helps calm those growing limbs and adds to the good sleep baby gets when used in conjunction with Lavender. 

Night Time Snuggles

After the bath and massage, I snuggle Harold up in some comfy footy pajamas, swaddle him in his foxy muslin blanket and settle in for our last snuggles. Usually, this means the last feeding to fill his tummy before bed. While I’m feeding I like to open up one of my books and read out loud. It’s never too early to read to your baby, but there’s a point where it will have to change from your books to their picture books. Might as well enjoy something for you while the baby doesn’t mind. 

On nights I don’t feel like reading, and I just want to gaze into his eyes as they flutter closed, I’ll choose instead to sing or hum a few favorite songs. The point of this time is not just to fill his tummy, but to send him to sleep hearing a comforting sound – the sound of mother’s voice. 

After Sleep

Now that we have baby asleep in their bed, it really is time for you to climb in too. Before I sleep, though, I find the end of my night time routine is a great opportunity to write in Harold’s baby book. I absolutely love the Welcome Baby! Baby Journal we found at The Baby Cubby. It has more space to tell the story of baby’s life instead of just statistics. 

The Night Time Routine Products

I found all my favorite products to help make our night time routine the best at The Baby Cubby. Located in Lindon, Utah you can either shop in-store or online. The Baby Cubby is passionate about encouraging, inspiring, and reminding parents how amazing they are and how important their role is. While placing my order I had to call into the store for one of the products. They were extremely friendly and able to help me choose a few more items that I needed but wasn’t sure were right for me.

Not sure yet? The Baby Cubby price matches, even with Amazon! They make sure you are always getting the best deal on the highest quality baby products. Now go get some sleep momma!

• Come Sail With Me - Canvas Art - 18x24
• 
• Price: $64.73

• And Then... Volume One Story Starter Book
• 
• Price: $24.95

• Lulujo Baby Turkish Towel - Ocean Blue
• 
• Price: $21.98